Author: Briana D’Andrea

To work or not to work? That is the question most moms ponder. Really, there’s no right answer. It’s what works best for you and your family. I vividly remember as a young girl thinking that I would most definitely, (if afforded the chance), stay home to raise our children the way my husband and I saw fit. Then as I grew older, I decided that I needed to establish myself, my career, after all I worked my butt off to get a degree and was still paying off student loans! I was the prodigal latchkey kid, while my mom went off to work during the women’s equal rights movement, to afford us the life we so deserved.

So, when the time came for us to conceive, I thought to myself, well I can’t very well give up everything I’ve worked so tirelessly for. So, I worked day in and day out all throughout my nine months of pregnancy, waddling my way to the bathroom from my desk, covering breaking news, working crazy hours and figuring out schedules between our families. The plan was for me to go back to work part-time (that way I still had my identity, HA!), working weekends, so that my mom, mother-in-law and husband would fill in for me on their days off. Everyone was on board, yet when the day finally came where I locked eyes with my blue-eyed baby boy, I thought to myself how in the world could I leave? How could I burden my family to take care of our baby on their days off, after reporting to a full-time job? Daycare wouldn’t work, because my paycheck would have gone straight to the people that would have been watching after him.

I remember the day my husband and I made the decision for me to stay home. I was partially relieved, partially worried, partially petrified. Would I ever be able to get back to my passion? Back to writing? Back to reporting? Producing? Back to being ME. I didn’t have an answer at the time. The only thing I knew was certain was that I had this little tiny human being who needed me more than anyone. He needed me more than I needed to fulfill my dreams. More than my place of employment needed me…they would surely find someone to fill my shoes, right? Several people had said if I had the chance to stay home then to take it. It’s just a moment in your life and you have the rest of it to work.

A very dear friend of mine, whom I remember calling me in near tears while she was on maternity leave could’t understand the life of a stay at home mom. Literally wondering what on earth it was I did all day long? How isolated she felt. How she couldn’t wait to get back into the swing of things and get back to working. Here’s where it gets tricky. Momming is HARD! It is full of GUILT, no matter how you slice it. When I first had my son, I too felt alone, isolated, completely intimidated by the idea of having to make sure to keep another human being alive! What happened to all of those cute Instagram pictures of babies all dressed up in their monthly onesies? I felt robbed and I felt guilty.

Heck, I feel guilty every single time I make a purchase outside of groceries. I feel guilty that my husband bears the burden of having to work to support our family. I feel guilty when I raise my voice at my kids, because we’re in each other’s face all day long. After speaking to several moms who work, their guilt stems from not spending enough time with their kids, not making enough “mom friends,” not having enough patience…feeling judged. Truth is no matter what, we are judged. That’s life. So what it boils down to is to DO YOU!

We’ve had to make some serious adjustments to our lifestyle since I’ve become a stay at home mom. Going out to fancy lunches and dinners regularly? Gone. Buying something cute at the mall just because? Gone. Spontaneous vacations just to get away? Gone. See my point? Where my working moms feel like although they have to work all day, they come back to a clean home, that hasn’t been ravaged by toddlers all day, they have quality over quantity time with their little ones, they’re able to get dressed for the day, eat lunch with adults, have adult conversations that don’t involve potty training or weaning. They pee solo and have time to listen to their music on their way to work. They may even sneak in a quick trip to the gym or the nail salon. They don’t spend their days feeling like a short order cook, chauffer and maid, who has to change diaper after diaper.

Finally, I tried the part-time work thing. It was nice at first, but what I found was that I wasn’t able to give enough energy into one thing versus the other. I’m the type who devotes 150% to everything I do and for whatever reason juggling the two wasn’t my forte. I made the decision to be 150% mom, when we got pregnant with our second. I have my days when I wonder if I’m cut out to be the stay at home type. Am I fulfilling the kids’ days? Are they better off at school? Am I enough? I’ve learned not to be so hard on myself and that yes, I AM ENOUGH. I tell my husband all the time that I used to be somebody! That my lowest point was the day I had to clean up after our son who had pooped his pants in public, followed by my daughter’s tantrum in the middle of Whole Foods and topped off with our dog that decided to poop, eat it and throw up. TMI? Those are the days that working doesn’t seem so bad after all. Hearing my mom say how she used to hug her desk when she got to work.

However, I now know that I AM somebody. I am this single most important somebody to our beautiful babies and husband, that this is my highest point in life. To be able to raise our children and see them grow in front of our very eyes. I’m convinced that after a long day of Legos and laundry and cleaning up toys and the throw up, that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and that I have made the ultimate sacrifice for my family and hopefully someday they will thank me for it. That I am so thankful and forever grateful to my husband to even have the choice. So no matter if you sacrifice yourself and your lifestyle to stay home or you sacrifice your time to give your family the life they truly deserve by going to work, you’re ultimately doing the right thing.

I wrote this article back in March of 2017. Fast-forward TWO WEEKS later, I decided in April to go into business for myself after an opportunity sort of fell into my lap, which I will be forever grateful for. To be able to give my family, my children and my children’s children the financial freedom they so deserve. With my little boy now in school full-time and toddler who likes to sleep (thank goodness!!), I am now able to forge my passion for writing, blogging, delivering news and videos on important life-changing topics. Sure, the days are long and often hard, but maybe that’s just life and maybe just maybe we need to embrace it and celebrate the small wins.

-Briana D.

Sunscreens have become a tricky thing in the world of skincare. It is a multi-billion dollar industry, with a complete lack of regulation, making it incredibly difficult to know what sort of things to look for and ingredients to stay away from. There are two types of sunscreens currently on the market…chemical and mineral. According to The Environmental Working Group, sunscreens with a chemical makeup usually have a combination of ingredients like oxybenzone, avobenzone, octisalate, octocrylene, homosalate and octinoxate, these are extremely dangerous, because they contribute to hormone disruption. Not only are they endocrine disruptors that act as estrogen, but they attribute to lower sperm cell counts and endometriosis. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found about 96-percent of the U.S. population to have Oxybenzone in our makeup. Additionally, chemical sunscreens contain Vitamin-A, also referred to as Retinyl Palmitate, which essentially causes even more harm than anything else, by speeding up the growth of cancerous cells, tumors and lesions. Mineral Sunscreens are usually a makeup of Zinc Oxide and Titanium Dioxide, which is considered a much more favorable choice. However there are a number of other things to keep in mind when making a sunscreen choice this summer and beyond, (because the sun does shine each and everyday!)

1. Stay away from high SPF levels. Not only are they misleading, there’s a law in the works proposing companies to avoid labeling anything higher than 50+, but they’re waste of your money! You end up thinking the higher SPF has you covered, but it’s false!
2. At all costs avoid spray sunscreens. You’re more likely to inhale the sunscreen than wear it on your body. Most of the time it ends up on the person next to you and as a result you are sunburned!
3. Try to cover up with hats and long sleeves whenever possible, choose a shady spot and try to avoid the hottest times of the day to venture outside.

Unfortunately, three fourths of the sunscreens EWG tested came back positive for the toxic ingredients mentioned and Melanoma rates have actually tripled over the past 35-years. On the plus side, a law passed back in 2011 which prohibits the sale of sunscreens that make “waterproof” or “sweatproof” claims and must disclose cancer warnings on the bottle. Now we just have to wait for a proposed law from 2014 set forth by former President Obama called the Sunscreen Innovation Act to go into effect that would encourage a stricter FDA processes for reviewing and approving new ingredients. Although there are new broad spectrum testing standards in effect, EWG states that about half of the suncreens sold here would never be on the market in Europe, a place with a much more advanced policy on UVA protection. It’s important to get your daily Vitamin-D doses, just do it as safely as possible!

If you need help choosing the right sunscreen for you, I would love to help!

-Briana D.

Moving is tough. It’s HARD. It’s even more difficult when you have little ones in tow. Sometimes in life, as the saying goes “You’ve gotta do what you gotta do.” That’s exactly what many of us do, in order to guarantee a better life for ourselves and for our family. We move around, we chase our career dreams and we work pretty darn hard at maintaining a sense of normalcy. That is probably the most difficult part. Sure packing and purging your things in boxes can be daunting, but it’s the uprooting of life that can create the complexities in life. Where will your children go to school? Will they make new friends? Will I find a doctor I can trust? What will it be like when we get there? Will it be Hard? The answer is YES. Will you figure all that out? YES. Sometimes we realize pretty quickly that the place we thought would work out, didn’t really fit the bill. Or the dream job we thought we needed was not quite what we had envisioned or maybe it was a stepping stone, to something even greater. The thing most humans are probably most afraid of is CHANGE. Taking that CHANCE. No one said life was going to be easy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that saying. It is a true feat to be able to reach for something and actually do it. If you’re blessed with an opportunity take it. As hard as it may seem with young ones, it may be too late once they actually have a voice, an opinion. Pack one box at a time. Unpack one box at a time. If offered help…TAKE it! Put yourself out there. It’s not easy having those tough initial conversations with new people, but you’ll be glad you did. Immerse yourself in things that make you feel uncomfortable. It’s the only way we can grow as individuals. Friendships WILL change. People WILL change. They will come and go out of your life. Those who stick by your side through the best of times and the worst of times are worth keeping around. Understand that distance can be tough. It can either forge relationships or tarnish them. Take time to be in the moment with your children and your family, because they are what’s most important and a constant in your life. Take a family time out and go do something fun, that you’ll all enjoy, because they’re only little for so long. Take advantage of having takeout. Stick by your spouse, because you guys are a team. It’s SO easy to get frustrated with one another, but it’s important to keep things into perspective. Try putting the kids to bed early and having an at home date night, to reconnect. It’s going to be stressful, crazy and even unmanageable at times. Understand that this is just a moment in time, a means to an end and when you look back on your life, you’ll be glad you took that CHANCE!!

Listen to the “Moving Day” podcast below, as I give my perspective on moving with 2 children under the age of 4.

Moving Day Podcast by Karen Deerwester of See Me Hear Me Love me

-Briana D’Andrea